[Accepting the gospel truth about one's own future had been a strange sort of growing. Finally finding what felt like the bottom of the omission dear friends had been making to prevent one from having to accept that is a strange muscle to be attempting to exercise as well.]
From what?
[It was already another sharp pang of pain to imagine that the bullet that claimed Archie's life had been aimed in his own direction--that his wonderful, loyal, devoted friend might have put himself willingly into the line of fire on his own behalf.
It's just that the hangman's noose isn't exactly the typical metaphor for taking a bullet.]
The Captain-- it was rumoured that he was pushed down in the hold one night. Kept him unconscious for most of the journey. When we got back to Kingston there was a court held to decide who was to blame-- and more than a few of the crew were determined to set you in the court's sights as the perpetrator.
[ His words all sound so petty as he recounts it. How had it come to that? Their post on the Renown, as Lieutenants, so turned upside down because of an old man losing his mind and a handful of stubborn, idiotic sailors? He scowls to himself, shaking his head -- but presses the emotion down. It's too frustrating to think of that too. ]
And you'd have taken responsibility, to keep Bush and I safe. So I had to step in first. Not much point-- hanging a man who's already got one foot in the grave.
[This is clearly a scratch of the surface. This has to be where all the tension that crept into the corners Archie and William's lips came from when conversation strayed too deep into their futures together, and this has to be just the highlights of what must have been a sprawling few years of ache and trouble.
And even this is a bit too much.]
Oh-- [But what is there to say? Even if there were, how could he say it with this fresh blossom of grief closing his throat?
Horatio isn't certain when his shoulders had become this hunched, but they curl further still, face dipping back into his hands as if pressing his eyes with the heels of his palms could relieve any of the onslaught. ]
Oh, Archie...
[Perhaps it would help to reach out and clutch at Archie's hand; to bury his face against the familiar solid warmth of his friend's shoulder and combat the truth of home with the truth of this place. It's just that Horatio can't quite manage to untangle himself from the ball he's been slowly folding into.]
[ Archie has been leaning away as he speaks, eyes staring past his friend's shoulder and ears closed as he tries not to listen to the words coming out of his own mouth. ]
Horatio--
[ But he can't stay deaf to the distress in that tone. That wounded and vulnerable sound from his friend makes Archie's fingers twitch, close on empty air like he wishes they would close on his friend's hands.
And it isn't fair-- having scratched the surface Archie can feel that his own well of pain is still a raw, stinging thing within him, one that he desperately wants comfort for -- but not like this. He doesn't want to hurt Horatio with his own pain.
It takes effort to move, more than he'd have thought possible, but move he does. And to hell with propriety and decorum; he puts his arms around his friend and draws him against his chest. ]
[There's a clear welling of relief in the aching as Archie moves closer. It would have been something to grip his friend's hand or feel the press of knee against knee, but being held? Being able to feel the solid warmth of the other man, the faint constant sensation of Archie's heartbeat?
The swirling sensations of grief and comfort can be examined properly later. All he has proper capacity for now is burrowing his face in against Archie's neck, arms wrapped tense and fingers clinging tight to the fabric of our other man's shirt.
The future will be what it will be--but here and now, Archie is alive and breathing, completely filling his senses as he curls in snug.]
...but... [His voice is muffled against his friend's shoulder, but he can't move.] ...but you're here.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-02-17 06:44 pm (UTC)[Accepting the gospel truth about one's own future had been a strange sort of growing. Finally finding what felt like the bottom of the omission dear friends had been making to prevent one from having to accept that is a strange muscle to be attempting to exercise as well.]
From what?
[It was already another sharp pang of pain to imagine that the bullet that claimed Archie's life had been aimed in his own direction--that his wonderful, loyal, devoted friend might have put himself willingly into the line of fire on his own behalf.
It's just that the hangman's noose isn't exactly the typical metaphor for taking a bullet.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 07:04 am (UTC)The Captain-- it was rumoured that he was pushed down in the hold one night. Kept him unconscious for most of the journey. When we got back to Kingston there was a court held to decide who was to blame-- and more than a few of the crew were determined to set you in the court's sights as the perpetrator.
[ His words all sound so petty as he recounts it. How had it come to that? Their post on the Renown, as Lieutenants, so turned upside down because of an old man losing his mind and a handful of stubborn, idiotic sailors? He scowls to himself, shaking his head -- but presses the emotion down. It's too frustrating to think of that too. ]
And you'd have taken responsibility, to keep Bush and I safe. So I had to step in first. Not much point-- hanging a man who's already got one foot in the grave.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-18 01:00 pm (UTC)And even this is a bit too much.]
Oh-- [But what is there to say? Even if there were, how could he say it with this fresh blossom of grief closing his throat?
Horatio isn't certain when his shoulders had become this hunched, but they curl further still, face dipping back into his hands as if pressing his eyes with the heels of his palms could relieve any of the onslaught. ]
Oh, Archie...
[Perhaps it would help to reach out and clutch at Archie's hand; to bury his face against the familiar solid warmth of his friend's shoulder and combat the truth of home with the truth of this place. It's just that Horatio can't quite manage to untangle himself from the ball he's been slowly folding into.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 05:06 am (UTC)Horatio--
[ But he can't stay deaf to the distress in that tone. That wounded and vulnerable sound from his friend makes Archie's fingers twitch, close on empty air like he wishes they would close on his friend's hands.
And it isn't fair-- having scratched the surface Archie can feel that his own well of pain is still a raw, stinging thing within him, one that he desperately wants comfort for -- but not like this. He doesn't want to hurt Horatio with his own pain.
It takes effort to move, more than he'd have thought possible, but move he does. And to hell with propriety and decorum; he puts his arms around his friend and draws him against his chest. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-20 04:00 pm (UTC)The swirling sensations of grief and comfort can be examined properly later. All he has proper capacity for now is burrowing his face in against Archie's neck, arms wrapped tense and fingers clinging tight to the fabric of our other man's shirt.
The future will be what it will be--but here and now, Archie is alive and breathing, completely filling his senses as he curls in snug.]
...but... [His voice is muffled against his friend's shoulder, but he can't move.] ...but you're here.