Character info

Character name: Horatio Hornblower
Canon: C. S. Forester's Horatio Hornblower series
Canon point & release date: The bridge between Mr Midshipman Hornblower (1950) and Lieutenant Hornblower (1952), so post-Ferrol, pre-arrival of William Bush in his life.
History: There's a wiki page here, although I would caveat that the Hornblower Wikia as a whole only sometimes distinguishes between book canon and movie canon. I have a book-specific timeline cobbled for my own purposes, but the overarching gist is that Horatio has been an officer in the Royal Navy since the age of 17 (which is Too Old to start but screw the rules), has seen a good deal of action for the time period (including two incidents which led to him being held as a prisoner of war), and most recently was released as a freshly minted lieutenant from prison to serve on the HMS Renown under Captain James Sawyer (whom someone someday may or may not murder itisamystery.ghost). All of this has made him very: tense; intense; deeply unhappy and painfully self-critical; quiet. Mostly quiet.
CRAU (if applicable): n/a
Powers: n/a

Personality

What is your character most afraid of? How are they defined by this fear?
Horatio is afraid of loss. He wouldn't call it that, and most of the time it expresses less as a matter of grief and more as a matter of blaming himself for not having done enough to prevent a loss, but it's ultimately a fear of loss. It pings back to having lost his mother fairly young and the general sense of responsibility heaped on him as a child. The two things got a bit linked together, which was exacerbated by joining the Navy as an officer who was responsible (much more literally) for keeping his shipmates alive, and were easily snowballed into his imposter syndrome and intense impulse to self-criticism. Still, the core fear is loss itself. Over the course of growing into himself, that fear turned into almost an interpersonal blockage. His default method with everyone he meets is to hold them at a slight distance, in part so they won't perceive the pieces of himself he doesn't like but largely to prevent having to really deal with the sting of getting close to people and then having them snatched away. He gets fairly proficient at keeping people affably distant, so that they don't necessarily find him rude or off-putting, but at the end of the day he'll always default to retreating into himself over getting close to people. (Except when he does get close to people and then spends all his energy obsessing over not losing them rather than investing in them.)

What is your character's greatest desire? How are they defined by this desire?
Horatio wants to be useful. His best sense of self comes from figuring out where he fits in a broader social system, then really going whole hog into making himself the best and most competent version of someone who fits in his place. When there's something to fit into, he feels fairly contented to be slotted wherever he's slotted (at least until he realizes there's something he'd be even better suited to and needs to start throwing himself in that direction). When there aren't systems to cleave to, his impulse is to try to sort himself into some sort of imagined role or structure so that he can quiet the little nervous piece of himself that's constantly telling him he doesn't fit. On the bright side, this means that being given a little border collie job can be deeply comforting and generally keep him from spinning out in times of high stress. On the less bright side, this also means that he has a bit of a lack of social intelligence on how to best interact with people who don't have the same mentality that he does, if only because he can't always figure out how to slot them into the hierarchy he's living under (or inventing for himself).

What is your character's most defining memory or relationship? How are they defined by this relationship?
The one that he allows to define himself for the longest time is "seasick at Spithead:" his first time on a ship on his first day of his big new Navy officer job, he gets immediately uncomfortably seasick even though the ship is just sitting on anchor. Obviously, he gets teased about it thereafter. Basically everyone else in his life sees it as an amusing little anecdote that humanizes him, particularly once he starts rising up the ranks and showing more and more ridiculous talent for #justseathings. For him, it's a constant sticking point to underline his own inadequacy. Sure, Nelson also got seasick his entire career, but for Horatio? Definitely a sign he doesn't deserve any of the success he's ever achieved, and the story's staying power is definitely a sign he that everyone else knows he doesn't deserve anything at all. He uses the memory as an accusation against himself whenever he starts to feel a bit of confidence or pride. On the bright side, it keeps him humble? (His most defining relationship is with William Bush, who he hasn't met yet at this point in his canon. Bush is the only person he starts to really share bits and pieces of himself with, and turns into a looking glass of genuine criticism and genuine praise, which begins to chip away at things like Horatio's obsessive clinging to Spithead. It's important and good and boy, losing Bush would sure be awful.)

How will not having memories change your character? What core personality traits, if any, will change? How?
Horatio is anxious and self-doubting and prone to seeking out structure. Still, not having real memories of (1) being of a specifically low rank with little chance of advancement in his profession of choice and (2) being part of a social structure that consistently reinforced the fact that he could fight and claw and make something of himself but would still be "lesser" than most of his (hypothetical) (actual gentry) peers gives him an opportunity for him to evaluate himself in a neutral setting and assign himself a more appropriate sense of worth and value. Also not specifically being in a context where "willingness to set a ship on fire at the likely cost of one's own life for patriotism reasons" might lead him to develop even an ounce of self-preservation instincts when there are opportunities to be reckless. Also also not remembering that he's promised to be in the Navy forever (for financial and patriotism reasons!) will give him a chance to engage with ethics and morality without all the weirdness of growing up and forming his adult self in an active war and ultimately surrounded by the warping effect of being actively engaged in fighting or preparing to fight constantly at all times. Also also also not remembering the initial hazing (read: pretty brutal bullying) or being a prisoner might just relieve a bit of his sense of external validation that he's an absolute failure.

Thread samples: One Two

Memories

You have 10 memory points. How will you use them?
Relationship core: 3 points.
Captain Sir Edward Pellew - Pellew was the first captain to make Horatio feel useful and well-suited to his purpose. The vibes are a settled sense of competence and a vague desire to cleave to authority figures.

Skill: 2 points.
Card-counting - Horatio's system isn't terribly elegant, but he learned to keep and count a deck in his head at a fairly young age to play whist (and ultimately uses that skill to keep himself fed during the Peace). It's rooted in his general maths-brain, but it's a specific application that comes very naturally from constant practice.

Skill: 2 points.
17th-18th century first aid - Horatio's father was a country doctor, and he absolutely had to be the extra pair of hands when things got dicey now and then. He's not an amazing healer by any stretch, but he's good with gore and quick with Ye Olde Remedies (and just binding things up neatly).

Skill: 1 points.
Boat knots - Horatio isn't that great at them, but he's good enough to trust them when there's not an entire sloop having to be held in place by 'em!

Minor memory: 1 points.
Reading Ovid - Horatio had to translate quite a bit of Latin and Greek as a youth for the school he should have dropped out of but hadn't yet. He'll have a strong sense impression of working on his translations, with scraps and fragments of The Metamorphoses.

Minor memory: 1 points.
Home - Horatio is from a small coastal town in Kent. There's a lot of cool overcast sensations of the sea and the ramble of Romney Marsh (and, of course, of chasing and chased by Romney sheep).

Player info

Name: Qi
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 30+
Contact: PM this account
Permissions: here
Link to invite: invite
Character in game: n/a