for jollyboat: anywhere you go

[whisted]

He doesn't quite fit.

Horatio had known, of course, that he wouldn't. Even if he had managed to make his way onto a ship years ago, everyone would have known he was odd. Perhaps it's for the best that he's clearly just a bit skittish, just a bit uncertain of himself unlike the other young men his age. Perhaps that would distract the human mind from looking to see just why, exactly, this one didn't seem to be quite entirely right.

It was, nonetheless, one thing to know and another thing to live. Being bundled in heavy unfamiliar fabric is surprisingly uncomfortable. The uniform is far more restrictive than the clothing he had forced himself to become accustomed to while hovering around the port. The sensation of being on a boat, despite the familiarity of the sea, is throwing his stomach through something of a loop. He can't shift and change direction. He can't twist along with the waves, comfortable and easy, or cut through below the discomfort of breakers tugging in the wrong direction. It's unnatural, here on a warped version of the surface. It's twisting something uncomfortable in his shoulders, almost dizzying as he tries to find his feet under him.

This is what he wanted, and it doesn't quite fit.

For the most part, feeling his skin in the sack slung over his shoulders is reassuring. His fingers can worry against the familiar softness with each odd rush of discomfort. This, after all, is the back-up plan. This is the fail-safe if everything falls completely to pieces and he needs to throw himself simply back into the sea. This is the piece of himself which will always fit properly, no matter where he is.

That's why it's resting at the top of his sack as he scrambles up properly into the ship. That's why, in the bluster of humanity, the young selkie doesn't notice that his skin has spilled out onto the deck.

Comments

[midship]

Part of the ache, of course, is that there truly hadn't been time. Shore leave had always been ideal for slipping briefly back into the waves, stretching himself properly in the comfort of his first home--but not this time, not with the inquest breathing down their necks. Part of the fixation is as simple as that, like any other creature kept trapped too long in a small space when it wanted to roam free.

But part of the ache is much harder to pin down.

"...it could have been Henry."

There had been no question that this needed to happen. There had been no question about risking their own necks, about their slap-dash plan to escape if something like the truth began to come to light.

But it could have been Henry under the inquest's microscope. And that could have erased nearly all the good they had done by solving another problem Horatio's way.

Maybe that was a sign he still didn't quite belong in his adopted home.

[betteralready]

He wishes he could hold him. He feels like that would help the both of them considerably.

But he can’t hold him. It’s not safe to.

Hopefully the brief but entirely gentle touch to Horatio’s elbow would help, still.

“We wouldn’t’ve let that happen. You would’ve helped him go, if he needed to.”

They both would have, just as Archie is always willing to help Horatio slip into the sea when he needs to.

[midship]

The touch helps for a moment. The brief contact drags Horatio's gaze properly to the young man, something faintly wild flickering in the back of his eyes before they manage to settle on the lieutenant.

The huff in his throat isn't properly human. The twitch in his shoulders as he tries to keep his attention on Archie isn't either.

"Perhaps."

[betteralready]

That reaction has Archie frowning properly, studying Horatio’s face and poise as long as he’s allowed. After a moment, he’s going to let his gaze flicker out over the too-quiet sea.

He waits another moment before asking, very softly, “...Do you need to leave?”

[midship]

"Hm."

It takes a moment to find the words in the language they share. It takes another long quiet moment breathing in the sea before he can force himself to nod.

"For a while. Not sure how long."

we never did figure out the specifics of selkie ferrol but oh well i assume it happened somehow

[betteralready]

"'For a while' has t'be forever in the Navy. 'nless you can act like you've gotten caught by someone again, somehow."

Which isn't a prospect he likes at all, for many reasons, and it likely will show in the flicker in his expression if Horatio looks.

perhaps just in the normal way fro Horatio :|a

[midship]

Usually, the restraint the Navy imposes on him isn't such a terrible thing. It chafes slightly from time to time, but it's never felt impossibly heavy to bear.

Tonight, it feels like it will drag him to the bottom of the sea and refuse to let him leave.

"How long, do you think?"

Surely he could vanish for the night. Surely he could steal a few hours to himself, when he was meant to be sleeping.

Maybe that would be enough.

still feel like that'd only end poorly if archie was there so maybe archie just... wasn't :|a

[betteralready]

"You probably can sneak out when you're off watch."

It'd be risky if they got into a battle, but it's their only option without finding a way to arrange for shore leave again.

"'ll cover for you."

that'd fit into this verse being less terrible

[midship]

It's a little easier to breathe with even just that to look forward to. Horatio's shoulders don't quite relax to their usual place, but something eases in his gut.

"You're sure?"

i dig it.

[betteralready]

"'ll do my best, anyways. He's not nearly as-- on edge, so it shouldn't be as bad."

Buckland, really, was rather lily-livered. It worked well enough to their advantage that Archie didn't think they'd have to do something about it just yet.

done and done

[midship]

It will have to be enough. That's how things have to be, if he wants to be allowed to stick this close to the man he loves with a heart that feels utterly fit to burst.

Even now, practically sick with the need to bury himself in the waves, it's an easy choice.

"...won't be long."

that icon looks like he's looking up at archie and it's real cute

[betteralready]

"Long enough, I hope."

Because Horatio so very clearly needs to be himself for a while.

"We can do it again next time you're off-watch, too, 'f you need."

he luff c:

[midship]

They'll need to, Horatio is already certain. The little bit of time he'll be able to steal now, sticking close to the ship rather than swimming free, won't be enough.

Something relaxes in his chest all the same, fingers twitching briefly to catch affectionately at Archie's sleeve before he turns away again.

It will be better once he's back. It will be better when he can tug Archie briefly down beside the bilges, still tingling with the salt of the sea, and cling quietly to the reason he keeps coming back from the waves from.

he is loved so much back???

[betteralready]

He'll cling back, of course; brush a quick kiss against Horatio's cheek. He knows almost better than anyone how easy it is to hide away in the bilges if no one's actively looking for you-- they have a few minutes, at least.

A gentle 'I love you' in the selkie's tongue is necessary to let loose, first. It's immediately followed by the quietly breathed question.

"Lil better?"

gasp c:

[midship]

"Hm."

Of course it's better. It's just that it's hard to express that they've gotten to the point where returning to Archie is, above all, the part that's best.

"You're... still okay?"

trufax :>

[betteralready]

"I'm worried about you."

More than the general undercurrent he always felt. Even with the inquest over, Horatio's seems burdened and just a hint like he's champing at the bit.

"Pretty-- okay, other than that."

Mostly okay, other than that.

[midship]

That pulls Horatio's features briefly into a proper scowl. His nose is still cold and wet despite its human form, bumping with abandon and worry against Archie's cheek.

"Don't worry."

Not now, certainly. Not when he's got the sea clinging to his pores so that he feels like he's where he belongs.

[betteralready]

"Can't really help it."

But it does help a little to feel that Horatio's a little calmer. He is going to bump his nose back against Horatio's cheek.

[midship]

They need to get Archie to his own version of the sea. They need a night or two when they can drown together in a single bed. They need a stretch of hours, at least, when they can just press ears against chests and feel the certainty of one another.

For now, this moment of standing close will have to do.

"Hm." This nuzzle comes with the faintest brush of lips against Archie's cheek. "Love you."

They can't shout it. They can't do much more than breathe it. But it needs saying.

[betteralready]

"I love you, too," he whispers softly, kissing him lightly against the cheek back.

And then, reluctance obvious in his entire being, he starts to step away from the selkie.

"We-- probably should go back up."

[midship]

One last catch of fingers. One last moment breathing deep in the certainty of being near one another again.

"Be safe."

It's not quite as important to say anymore, but it comes naturally enough.

[betteralready]

“You too.”

They aren’t entirely safe so long as they’re in the Navy. It’s something they’ll have to live with, for now.

[midship]

This is still better. This is still steps in the right direction.

This will make it just a bit easier to breathe even as they dive back into their work.