for jollyboat: anywhere you go

[whisted]

He doesn't quite fit.

Horatio had known, of course, that he wouldn't. Even if he had managed to make his way onto a ship years ago, everyone would have known he was odd. Perhaps it's for the best that he's clearly just a bit skittish, just a bit uncertain of himself unlike the other young men his age. Perhaps that would distract the human mind from looking to see just why, exactly, this one didn't seem to be quite entirely right.

It was, nonetheless, one thing to know and another thing to live. Being bundled in heavy unfamiliar fabric is surprisingly uncomfortable. The uniform is far more restrictive than the clothing he had forced himself to become accustomed to while hovering around the port. The sensation of being on a boat, despite the familiarity of the sea, is throwing his stomach through something of a loop. He can't shift and change direction. He can't twist along with the waves, comfortable and easy, or cut through below the discomfort of breakers tugging in the wrong direction. It's unnatural, here on a warped version of the surface. It's twisting something uncomfortable in his shoulders, almost dizzying as he tries to find his feet under him.

This is what he wanted, and it doesn't quite fit.

For the most part, feeling his skin in the sack slung over his shoulders is reassuring. His fingers can worry against the familiar softness with each odd rush of discomfort. This, after all, is the back-up plan. This is the fail-safe if everything falls completely to pieces and he needs to throw himself simply back into the sea. This is the piece of himself which will always fit properly, no matter where he is.

That's why it's resting at the top of his sack as he scrambles up properly into the ship. That's why, in the bluster of humanity, the young selkie doesn't notice that his skin has spilled out onto the deck.

Comments

[midship]

It takes a good deal to hold himself back. Horatio's entire being sways with the effort not to sweep in and pull the pup against his chest.

"It's all right." The words aren't enough like this. "/It's all right./"

Maybe Elliot won't quite understand, but Horatio can't help thinking that their people's tongue makes it more real.

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

"I-it's-- all right."

He doesn't sound like he believes it, but he does sound like he's trying to.

[midship]

"It's all right if it hurts."

There isn't a word for the pain that quite fits, after all, outside their own tongue. There isn't a word in any for the agony of never having learned the word in the first place.

"It's all right if you can't hold it in."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

"'m not-- supposed to."

He isn't supposed to hurt. He isn't supposed to let that hurt show.

But he isn't supposed to be here, away from the house he grew up in, either.

[midship]

The bile that rises in the back of his throat isn't for the pup before him. The rage will come properly later, when he can fade back properly into himself in the waves.

For now, Horatio simply sinks a hair, trying to make himself just a bit smaller and lower to the ground--not quite as effective with long limbs and a human face, but an instinct all the same.

"...it's all right here, Elliot."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

He bites his lip just slightly, but does look up incredibly cautiously at Horatio. The nod is uncertain and comes after a long moment, but it does come.

"...'ll right."

[midship]

"/There's a love./"

It doesn't mean anything to the pup, he knows, but Horatio can't help letting the little bits and pieces his mother used to murmur pop up over his lips.

"You're just... yourself, here."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

He doesn't understand the words in the least, but there's something soothing about them nonetheless.

"I'll-- try."

It'll probably take learning. He doesn't entirely have a proper sense of self, just now, after all.

[midship]

"That's all you need to do right now."

And that's all he'll need to do tonight, even if all that is turns out to be wading around in the cold sea water. That's still a step. That's still important.

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

"I can-- do that."

And he can properly finish his meal, before eager looking up again to see if it's time for a swim.

[midship]

That's a little better. That's the beginning of what comes next.

"Ready?"

Getting back into the drink is the next step.

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

A pleased little nod.

"Ready."

So he'll be reaching more properly for his skin and moving to get to his feet again.

[midship]

This is good. This is movement. This is getting a youngling back out into the sea, where the real healing begins.

Moving around to the sheltered portions of the cove is natural at this point. Keeping a casual watch for prying eyes is as well. It does all slip Horatio's mind back toward something other than his human form, distracting him as they reach the water.

"/You know how to do this part?/"

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

He wants to understand him so badly. It hurts to know he's saying something to him that he can't comprehend. It has his hands twisting slightly in his skin.

"I'm-- sorry, I don't-- know what that means."

[midship]

A few beats help draw his mind back into the language of man. Thankfully, a few beats also help him find something better than the question which has already been half-answered.

"Have you ever seen this part?"

It might still be stumbling, if the pup had never actually done it before, but seeing someone else make the change usually helped.

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

The shake of his head is just a hint exhausted. Falling into the explanation comes after a moment.

"...The only other selkie I knew-- My... My-- mother, though I wasn't-- allowed to know that-- She disappeared," he explains softly, "'ve n-never known if she-- found her skin and just l-left me or if something-- else happened."

[midship]

Thankfully, the first thing that pops into Horatio's mind is in a language the pup doesn't understand. It's good, now and then, to have a moment to reflect through an impulsive wave of anger.

His breath comes in a tuneless hum as he simply nods, pulling out his own skin to begin gently unrolling it.

"Take a deep breath, then."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

"Okay."

So he's going to take a deep breath (and then another) before carefully starting to unroll his own skin.

[midship]

"The hardest part, the first few times, is not being... patient."

Horatio still remembers his own first few times back and forth. Sliding back and forth looked so natural when his father did it, but it always felt just on the edge of not happening those first few times stumbling through on his own.

"Your soul knows this. You have to trust that."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

"Y'promise?"

Because he can't help but be a little nervous about it all.

[midship]

"I promise, Elliot."

Another deep breath, and with a flicker of absolute relaxation, Horatio melts fully into his skin. The process happens in nearly the blink of an eye after this many years, his human form practically dissolving in on itself the moment it leans into his skin. For a moment the selkie huffs at the beach, the waves, the pup beside him, and then with slightly more of a tug, Horatio's long human limbs melt back into existence.

"It's-- part of us."

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

Oh. That's astonishing. That has him looking entirely awed at Horatio for a moment. It's the first time he's ever seen the change, after all.

"'s-- amazing."

[midship]

"It's you."

Hopefully repeating it helps. Horatio remember needing to have it affirmed, again and again.

[meonmyway2stealurgirl]

“It’s me.”

It’s a little more confident, this time. He’s properly shaken out his skin now and is studying it with only a hint of trepidation.

“I just— relax into it?”

[midship]

"Aye." The slight stretch of Horatio's neck now is certainly relaxed. "It can help to look out at the sea, sometimes."

It's calming to those who had come from the sea--but then, Elliot had as well. He'd just never been home yet.